I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
