You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
