Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
