yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
