i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
