We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
