i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
