We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
