I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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