'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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