there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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