Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like the plague
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize