When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
