the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
