I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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