Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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