You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We need a shit load of segways right now
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
