We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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