i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
