So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
