I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
