did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
