Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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