She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
