i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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