(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
