I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
