you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
