I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I will be naked everywhere
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
