WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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