Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize