I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
