I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
