Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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