he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
