Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
