Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
