That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
