This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
