When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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