My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
