Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
