wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sarcasm needs its own font
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
