btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
