dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We named our party play list daddy issues
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
