The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
