what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
