Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
