Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Holy sore nipples Batman
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
