it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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