so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
