i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
