to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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