covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we're so committed to being not committed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
