oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So apparently I’m into choking now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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