Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
