Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
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i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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