Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
