kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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