We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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