The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you had me at cake vodka
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
