do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
