Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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