u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
