I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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