Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
