Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
4 words: hood of his car
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
