the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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