everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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