my mouth tastes like poor choices
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
