i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
