Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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