I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
