I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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