Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
