Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
