and she was petting her beer can
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
