Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
