eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
