All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
